stranger danger!

After close to a year long hiatus from you adorable people, I am here.  It’s funny to me, reading my old blogs about my crazy sex life… especially as I lay here in bed since 8pm with laundry going, dishwasher running, and my beloved nursing his torn up knee on the couch.  Part of me wishes I could tell you how much I miss late nights, exhibitionist sex, and putting myself in the most fucked up positions possible just so I could rush home to tell you all about it… but seriously, I love my life.  I love cooking dinner for Sugar Britches and his two little monsters, giving the boys baths, even waking up to them crying at 4 in the morning because they want to come sleep with me.  It’s a huge change but I’m so happy.  Now if only we could find a way to get rid of that pesky ex wife of his.  Any takers?

If me and Matt have a child… It will be a panda. Black, white, Asian, and chubby. Best realization ever.

truth

no more blogging about my personal life.

Baby Momma Drama

“I am so done being nice and being treated like I am stupid. I was not born last night and am smarter than what I’m given credit for so STOP LYING, STOP the SECRETS and BE HONEST. God give me strength to be the christian I am in the situation I am in Amen.”

That is what his ex wife wrote on his wall last night.  Apparently she decided to facebook stalk me.  My stuff is mostly private, however my profile pictures were not.  There is a picture of us on a staircase from a month ago and that set her off.  She went on this rant about how she refuses to meet me and doesn’t want the kids around me, BLAH BLAH BLAH.  She can’t technically dictate the children being around me.  So she posts the above on her own status and Matt’s wall.  I will never understand why people put private matters like that on a public forum.  I guess it’s for the attention.  Not that it makes it better, but this is what Matt posted as his status:

“So dont you get tired of people just airing out dirty laundry and playing the victim on facebook? So there I was minding my own business and BAM I got some crazy half truth thing posted on my wall. Oh well whatcha gonna do? Yup, just shake it off and keep moving, remember this is the bed you have made so lay in it, and dont blame me cause thats just silly.”

So I blocked her today.  Then, after Matt telling me he’s not worried about the situation and doesn’t want me to worry about it either, I unblocked her.  We have nothing to hide.  I am his girlfriend.  We are in love.  And I thank God she fucked shit up as much as she did so that I ended up with him.

Something Amazing

I had a kind of rough weekend.  I didn’t know how much I was hurting until Saturday afternoon.  When Matt and I woke up this morning, I explained it all to him.  I’m not getting into detail here about it, sorry.  Regardless, he was understanding like he always is and realized it was time he put his foot down.

I got a phone call tonight from him to tell me he told his ex wife all about me.  That we’re serious, and I stay at his house (when the kids aren’t there, obvi), and that he is bringing the kids to family dinner at my brother’s farm in two weeks.

I’m beyond happy.  He always fixes everything.

I try so hard to hold things in. But sometimes… Ya just gotta sit on the bathroom floor and cry.

It’s been awhile since I’ve done a TT post…

I guess it’s mostly because I decided when Matt and I got serious that I didn’t want everyone know our business and although I love all of you - sometimes I don’t want my IRLs to know about our personal issues.  Most of my close friends know about what’s going on on the surface - the basic babymomma dramas and our health issues going on… but that’s it.  Don’t be offended - I love my besties, I’ve just realized that as we grow up, sometimes it’s best to keep our relationship details private.

On another subject, I went to the doctor yesterday to get the results of my colposcopy.  NOT COLONOSCOPY.  My cervix, not butthole people.  Years ago I had a short bout with cervical cancer.  After I moved to NC, I stopped going to the lady doctor because I was always so picky.  When I finally decided to go, my pap came back abnormal - OF COURSE.  With everything going on with Matt’s heart, his ex wife, and just life in general - I didn’t feel it necessary to worry him so I never told him I had my results appointment coming up.  He happened to call while I was waiting on the doctor and asked why I didn’t tell him I had an appointment.  He was hurt that I didn’t share my concerns with him.  I was so scared when that doctor walked in.  I flashed back 7 years and just froze.  Then… “Good news!  You’re all clear!”

Still frozen.  No real reaction.  Not until I called my mom to tell her.  Then the tears started.  I was so scared and apparently so was she.  I realized this wasn’t just a small thing I could keep to myself so I texted Matt and apologized.  I told him that I now understand that I have to trust that he will be there for me and care for me even though I’m so used to doing everything myself.  I guess this is still that last little part that I haven’t been able to get over.  I’m slowly learning, though, that with him by my side, I will always be safe.