It’s been awhile since I’ve done a TT post…
I guess it’s mostly because I decided when Matt and I got serious that I didn’t want everyone know our business and although I love all of you - sometimes I don’t want my IRLs to know about our personal issues. Most of my close friends know about what’s going on on the surface - the basic babymomma dramas and our health issues going on… but that’s it. Don’t be offended - I love my besties, I’ve just realized that as we grow up, sometimes it’s best to keep our relationship details private.
On another subject, I went to the doctor yesterday to get the results of my colposcopy. NOT COLONOSCOPY. My cervix, not butthole people. Years ago I had a short bout with cervical cancer. After I moved to NC, I stopped going to the lady doctor because I was always so picky. When I finally decided to go, my pap came back abnormal - OF COURSE. With everything going on with Matt’s heart, his ex wife, and just life in general - I didn’t feel it necessary to worry him so I never told him I had my results appointment coming up. He happened to call while I was waiting on the doctor and asked why I didn’t tell him I had an appointment. He was hurt that I didn’t share my concerns with him. I was so scared when that doctor walked in. I flashed back 7 years and just froze. Then… “Good news! You’re all clear!”
Still frozen. No real reaction. Not until I called my mom to tell her. Then the tears started. I was so scared and apparently so was she. I realized this wasn’t just a small thing I could keep to myself so I texted Matt and apologized. I told him that I now understand that I have to trust that he will be there for me and care for me even though I’m so used to doing everything myself. I guess this is still that last little part that I haven’t been able to get over. I’m slowly learning, though, that with him by my side, I will always be safe.